The title is confusing, I know. The first RT means re-tweet, and the second one means Rotten Tomatoes. I’m so clever. Fastness threw out a fantastic observation (http://www.rottentomatoes.com/vine/showthread.php?p=16146699&posted=1#post16146699) and I would put money down that he is absolutely correct. Today, in some weird I don’t know way, though I’m sure the explanation and all is out there at this point, a six year old in Colorado got into a helium balloon and flew off. When it landed, they couldn’t find the boy, but apparently he’s alive and well from what I hear. I don’t really care, as this would kind of just be natural selection at work, but there is something here I definitely care about. A Colorado boy getting into a balloon, in a less flashy but just as effective way as Carl and Russell in Pixar’s Up…Trey Parker and Matt Stone totally have the idea for next week’s South Park episode.

It is a known fact that they create each episode, with notable exceptions, the week before. They work from Thursday to Wednesday and get them up on the air by Wednesday night, which is in itself, a tremendous feat. Since this happened on the first day of production, which is usually the concept building part of the process, they have a perfect amount of time to put Cartman in a balloon in the air. Easy to animate, easy to make quickly, as it would mostly be a Cartman-centric episode. Tasteless? Yes. But last week’s episode had a cop pose as a prostitute and have anal sex with an entire fraternity and fart out a whole evidence bag’s worth of semen from his anus. There are no rules with this show, and this is almost certainly happening. I hope, anyway.

It would be funnier if it was Butters, but Wednesday’s episode was about him, and no way could they top it.

Studios always try to make lightning strike in the same place twice, and the surprise hit Taken that Fox had in January, which still cannot be completely explained except that Liam Neeson monologuing is awesome. Warner Bros. was the studio that rose to the occasion, and this January, Taken 2: Take Harder is coming out. Except there’s a catch. It’s the non-Beaver comeback role for Mel Gibson, it was directed by Martin Campbell, who directed what many consider to be the best Bond (Casino Royale) and what actually is the best Bond (Goldeneye. To hell with all of you.) and while I will most likely be lukewarm on it in the end, this movie looks like it could really be a compelling if run-of-the-mill flick. It doesn’t have the “I will find you and I will kill you.” badassery that Neeson sells better than any other actor could, but the trailer still packs quite a bit of intensity.

“My daughter is my life yayayayayayayayayay. But wait she gets shot!” And then you have ominous, esoteric references by Ray Winstone about Mel Gibson’s daughter’s secret life and how point A connects to point B. This angers him, and since Mel Gibson is a sheriff or something, naturally he’s a badass. But, I can believe it. Some of the dialogue is absolute cheese, but the little exchange about how “these men are armed and dangerous” and Mel’s little snappy comeback “What do you think I am?” is sold much better than it could have been. After reading what I just wrote in this paragraph, I sound like a third grader, but we’re talking about January action flicks. I feel it is appropriate enough.

Here is the trailer and here is the poster.

and to compare to Taken’s poster…

Well, this is quite a dream team. Two men who know how to cut to the chase and get really dark and disturbing on you, Bret Easton Ellis (American Psycho, Less Than Zero) and Gus Van Sant (Elephant, Milk) with the easiest of topics to get crazy with, suicide, means that there is a theoretically awesome movie coming soon. They are teaming up to write a screenplay based on a 2008 Vanity Fair article The Golden Suicides. Ellis has been attached to write the script for Lionsgate, but the inclusion of Van Sant turns this into something that is definitely special, as two similar minded men teaming up to do something that is their bread and butter is Golden, pun intended.

The true story is about a “golden couple” who both committed suicide in 2007 and may have done so because of delusions of persecution and conspiracy. He was an artist, she was a game designer, they were perfect. Then things get weird; scientology threats, “oaths” to friends, and all sorts of stuff that makes the story weird at best and completely insane at worst. One walked into the ocean and never came back, the other took pills and did it the new old fashioned way.

You can read the original article here:
http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2008/01/suicides200801

High homework week.

(4:52:07 PM) neorye: I have this story
(4:52:19 PM) neorye: that a doctor from alabama told me a few weeks ago
(4:52:34 PM) neorye: He’s an ER doctor, and he had a patient once
(4:52:54 PM) neorye: i forgot what she was in there for, but he told the nurses to check her vagina and check for UTIs
(4:53:08 PM) neorye: the nurses come back to him and say
(4:53:14 PM) neorye: “we cant find her urethra”
(4:53:38 PM) neorye: the doctor is just all wtf do u mean, and they tell him to inspect her himself since they cant find it
(4:53:40 PM) zach zealous: …
(4:53:41 PM) neorye: so he looks
(4:53:43 PM) zach zealous: what the fuck
(4:53:56 PM) neorye: the woman had like, 45 years of marriage
(4:54:04 PM) neorye: and under the vagina, he finds…
(4:54:07 PM) neorye: the vagina
(4:54:18 PM) zach zealous: …
(4:54:20 PM) neorye: for 45 years, the lady and her husband were having sex using her urethra
(4:54:32 PM) zach zealous: …………………………………
(4:54:45 PM) zach zealous: WHAT IN THE FUCKING MY FUCK
(4:54:59 PM) neorye: when asked about the sex life
(4:55:01 PM) neorye: the lady says
(4:55:16 PM) neorye: “oh yeah, for the first year it was HORRIBLE, but after that it got alright”
(4:55:21 PM) zach zealous: …
(4:55:27 PM) zach zealous: this could only happen in alabama
(4:55:31 PM) neorye: yep

(1:32:55 PM) Zach: provide me something to do don’t make me feel like steven wright
(1:33:03 PM) Kenny: Masturbate
(1:33:15 PM) Zach: that would definitely make me feel like steven wright
(1:33:25 PM) Kenny: …Try to blow yourself on webcam for me
(1:33:36 PM) Zach: that would definitely make me feel like steven wright
(1:33:52 PM) Kenny: …Have sex with a hot girl
(1:34:01 PM) Zach:
(1:34:24 PM) Kenny: Make plans with people
(1:34:29 PM) Zach:

Yes, folks, Obama is keeping his word on repealing this absurd policy. Perhaps the Peace Prize is giving him the kick in the pants he needs. “I appreciate that many of you don’t believe progress has come fast enough. Do not doubt the direction we are heading and the destination we will reach,” he said. Nice to see he’s aware that his stalling has been pissing people off. The policy was passed in 1993. It’s sad to think that it’s taken this long to get rid of it, or that it was even passed in the first place. Obama made the promise while speaking to the Human Rights Campaign in Washington. In the speech, Obama called on congress to repeal the act as well as extend benefits to domestic partners. Here’s to hoping this finally gets done.

Need comfort dick due to Michael Jackson’s death?? – m4w Then “You are not alone” Come over to my place, and i “won’t stop til you get enough” It’ll be a real “thriller”. I promise it won’t be “bad” Please be serious, as I am too. I don’t want to have to sit at home tonight and “beat it” * Location: Bangor* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mne/1239968258.html

I, for the most part, am a very empathetic person. And yet, it happens that every once in a while I become my own evil twin, acting entirely misanthropic and finding humor in the misfortunes of others that are either directly caused or just heightened by their personal beliefs and actions. And while I have the utmost sympathy for the children who have lost their parents in all of this, but…damn, I chuckled a bit. I’m evil and probably a sociopath, but let’s face it, frickin’ gun rights are lulzy, and this big smack of irony pie is lulzy. It doesn’t help that this sounds like it is out of a Lifetime movie, because it’s a bizarre story. And it all starts when a soccer mom brought a gun to her kid’s game.

Meleanie Hain of Lebanon, Pennsylvania gained national attention in 2008 for exercising her second amendment rights at a kids soccer game, and much like bringing guns to Obama speeches and this law in Arizona where you can bring firearms into bars (which wasn’t even legal in the old west and tombstone…what the hell), that’s just really stupid. I love that to protest anyone in the government who may want to put stiffer regulation on gun control so loons won’t run around acting irresponsibly with a device that can kill anyone in the blink of an eye that is very easy to obtain…do insane things that make them look like loons who need to be controlled with that easy to obtain device they have that can kill people. So it starts there.

I believe that there’s no reason that people shouldn’t be able to own a pistol etc. to protect themselves. Break-ins happen, muggings happen, this is a dangerous world, yes. But this philistine movement that bites the hands of the laws that already feeds them more than enough makes me lose a lot of sympathy.

A year or so later, Meleanie is talking on webcam with a friend, and her husband Scott comes in and shoots her, then shoots himself. She had her gun, but it didn’t matter. Guns can’t protect you from other guns. It all just matters who shoots first.

Guns are bad, mkay. Atheismo has fun proving so, and for that, I find humor in an otherwise really shitty depressing situation. Silver linings are what we need in the world. Find humor in the worst of things. I’m not a bad person, I’m just a positive pessimistic realist.

Source: CNN

Backstory: A girl on the internet (protip: NO GIRLS ON THE INTERNET) starts messaging me. Introduces me to friend Nate. Friends with both of them, I was. Sir Nate was/is a cool dude, this “girl”, less so. “She” loved Zac Efron and High School Musical and was constantly going on about god knows what, and when “she” revealed “herself” to be not just a guy, but a really creepy guy with a terrible goatee of thin hair. We managed to get the thing off, but for whatever reason, the fact that this heshe was madly in love with Nate and I was “the other man” all of a sudden, only because I wasn’t trying to send him stuff in the mail and stalk him, the weirdo decided to internet forum carpetbomb me with slander and defaming info. For the record, I don’t really need to restate, that the whole thing was ridiculous because I’m the straight dude here. But Ericka Reynolds is actually Jason Price. The straight dude who only talked to this “internet girl” because it was a girl…on the internet. So it gets all jealous and blah blah, and then as it annoys the ever living shit out of Nate, Nate and I start concocting ways to annoy the shit out of it. Then the same way as it did it to me, the heshe decides one day to cut “its best friends”, and as the thing was obsessed with Nate for YEARS…its definitely a weirdo. I’ve been holding on to the letter it sent him for a while, and now I feel like posting it. Lulzy creeper ahoy.

Well, Nate… I think this is going to be the last time we ever chat.
I tried, but I can’t do this. When I saw Zach’s thread, it caused all these
memories to come back again. And while it’s easier to handle now, it’s clear
it’s going to be a continuous problem even if it becomes smaller for me. And I can’t deal with that. I’ve slowly been cutting online contacts all year, those that are close at least, and I’ve now come to you. I thought you’d be the last one for many months or even years, but that isn’t the case any longer unfortunately.

I’m not going to send this and run, if you want to respond before I go, you can. If not, then I really hope I made some sort of difference in your life these past three years. And I hope you find everything you’re searching for and need in the future. You were my greatest friend.

lol.

I don’t want to anyway, but it must be addressed, and “He became the first African-American president in a notoriously racist country, which has given hope to oppressed peoples throughout the world. While campaigning for and after winning that job, took the opportunity to tour the world expressing his ideas and beliefs about equality, race, mutual respect, honoring each others’ histories, appreciating cultural differences; understanding that one country is not automatically better than any other but that we all have important and legitimate ideas to bring to the table, and knowing that to move forward in a positive direction we must do our level best to use diplomacy to work together in peace. (Pause for breath.) He has stuck firmly to these notions and continues as an excellent example of thoughtfulness and reason as the leader of, arguably, the world’s most powerful state….Or, as the Nobel committee more succinctly put it, “for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples”" – Clara Sturak, via Sasha Stone’s Facebook

I’m convinced that hipsters don’t exist. I’ve been called one many times, the term is thrown around all the time and if you’re on the internet, chances are everyone hates it. As far as I’ve picked up, “hipster” is everything on stuffwhitepeoplelike.com, so in conclusion, a hipster is just a well dressed white person in their 20s. Okay, big deal. But yet it irks me to kingdom come that this whole “hipster” phenomenon has hit the 50 year old jewish producers who hit the phone and throw their money at…this. And who’s there to take all that money? Michael Cera and Ellen Page, in a post-Juno world. Juno is fantastic, yes yes yes, but good god, everything that either of them have done since then and Arrested Development is a shitpile. Nick and Norah sucked, Paper Heart sucked, Whip It sucked, Scott Pilgrim better not suck, etc. But regardless, they all have something in common, that they’re all HIPSTURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. Right. Oh, and Alia Shawkat, the other ugly child from Arrested Development, has joined the fray, both in Whip It and in a show that her and Ellen Page might star in and are definitely producing/writing. That’s right, a show about HIPSTERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

The might be HBO show Stitch ‘N’ Bitch, where one of the girls is Stitch and the other is well, Bitch. A single camera comedy about “two painfully cool hipster girls as they relocate from Brooklyn’s Williamsburg neighborhood to Los Angeles’ Silver Lake enclave in hopes of becoming artists — of any kind.” It may or may not be based on Stitch ‘n Bitch: The Knitter’s Handbook (http://www.knithappens.com/content/view/13/1/), I’m guessing it is but I don’t have clarification, as it screams that faux-hipster thing at me.

In other news, Ellen Page is eating fish tacos off of Drew Barrymore. http://celebrifi.com/gossip/Ellen-Page-And-Drew-Barrymore-Are-The-Hot-New-Lesbian-Couple-398901.html Lesbians ahoy.

Fuck you, Lionsgate. If you think that having Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes studio buying up and remaking every single horror franchise to come before 1995, well, it’s when they sell them to someone worse. Since the Saw series has officially kicked itself into cruise control, to the point where they don’t even try to market them anymore as it’s became a tradition that nobody really even cares about, but profit is profit, no matter how meager, the folks at Lionsgate and more specifically Twisted Pictures are looking for something else to sink their teeth into. And what will they do? Oh yeah, take The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and remake the remake, and make it in 3D! Bring in some “Leatherface Apprentice” thing and it’s already Saw 7 with about all the plot development that the Saw sequels built off of the first film, which is a shame, since while I am not a fan of the original Saw, it had so much potential.

The worst part…the person who is writing it is Stephen Susco, the douchebag who wrote the remake of The Grudge. How do shitty people get into this industry and STAY there? It’s so hard to break in, and yet, these people make it look easy. So we are to now expect a Texas Chainsaw Massacre film every year for a few years at least, and to rape a horror classic in ways that Michael Friggin’ Bay couldn’t even do. Terrific. Why couldn’t they just show this much respect to Repo! The Genetic Opera? I’m still reeling that after Darren Lynn Bousman made Lionsgate/Twisted so much money making their petty crap, they shat on the film that proved him to be a talented director, a terrific film visually, musically, everything, it’s just tops.

You have already seen this if you saw Toy Story 1/2 in 3D in the last week or so, which you probably didn’t, but now it’s online, and while it will probably be taken down, I’ll make sure to download it and/or replenish with new videos if it gets taken down like Princess and the Frog did. Viddy in HD after the jump. Yeah boy. Ignore how it messes up the page a bit when you go after the jump. Big videos do that.

So, in 2005, a woman working for Haliburton / KBR (Kellogg, Brown, Root — an engineering/construction company) was gang-raped by her co-workers in Baghdad. The company rather mishandled the situation, stuffing her in a cargo container and mishandling the rape kit performed by an Army doctor. Her contract included a clause stipulating that the sexual assault claim would be settled in out-of-court arbitration. As far as I can tell, the arbitration pretty much just strung her along for a year and then she filed a court case to get her claim moved to court. The Department of Justice, pathetically, did nothing about the case — despite the fact that it’s the government’s responsibility to bring forward criminal cases, not the victim’s. Yesterday, the Senate voted on an defense spending amendment proposed by Senator Al Franken that would bar awarding contracts to companies that require their employees sign away the right to pursue sexual assault, battery, and discrimination cases in court.

30 Senators voted against it. That’s thirty people who aren’t even pretending to make a good-faith effort to stand up for the basic rights of their voters or hold government contractors up to any scrutiny whatsoever.

Someone my friend knows named Alex made this chart:

A “Nay” vote is a vote for rape.
Alabama: Sessions (R-AL), Nay Shelby (R-AL), Nay
Alaska: Begich (D-AK), Yea Murkowski (R-AK), Yea
Arizona: Kyl (R-AZ), Nay McCain (R-AZ), Nay
Arkansas: Lincoln (D-AR), Yea Pryor (D-AR), Yea
California: Boxer (D-CA), Yea Feinstein (D-CA), Yea
Colorado: Bennet (D-CO), Yea Udall (D-CO), Yea
Connecticut: Dodd (D-CT), Yea Lieberman (ID-CT), Yea
Delaware: Carper (D-DE), Yea Kaufman (D-DE), Yea
Florida: LeMieux (R-FL), Yea Nelson (D-FL), Yea
Georgia: Chambliss (R-GA), Nay Isakson (R-GA), Nay
Hawaii: Akaka (D-HI), Yea Inouye (D-HI), Yea
Idaho: Crapo (R-ID), Nay Risch (R-ID), Nay
Illinois: Burris (D-IL), Yea Durbin (D-IL), Yea
Indiana: Bayh (D-IN), Yea Lugar (R-IN), Yea
Iowa: Grassley (R-IA), Yea Harkin (D-IA), Yea
Kansas: Brownback (R-KS), Nay Roberts (R-KS), Nay
Kentucky: Bunning (R-KY), Nay McConnell (R-KY), Nay
Louisiana: Landrieu (D-LA), Yea Vitter (R-LA), Nay
Maine: Collins (R-ME), Yea Snowe (R-ME), Yea
Maryland: Cardin (D-MD), Yea Mikulski (D-MD), Yea
Massachusetts: Kerry (D-MA), Yea Kirk (D-MA), Yea
Michigan: Levin (D-MI), Yea Stabenow (D-MI), Yea
Minnesota: Franken (D-MN), Yea Klobuchar (D-MN), Yea
Mississippi: Cochran (R-MS), Nay Wicker (R-MS), Nay
Missouri: Bond (R-MO), Nay McCaskill (D-MO), Yea
Montana: Baucus (D-MT), Yea Tester (D-MT), Yea
Nebraska: Johanns (R-NE), Nay Nelson (D-NE), Yea
Nevada: Ensign (R-NV), Nay Reid (D-NV), Yea
New Hampshire: Gregg (R-NH), Nay Shaheen (D-NH), Yea
New Jersey: Lautenberg (D-NJ), Yea Menendez (D-NJ), Yea
New Mexico: Bingaman (D-NM), Yea Udall (D-NM), Yea
New York: Gillibrand (D-NY), Yea Schumer (D-NY), Yea
North Carolina: Burr (R-NC), Nay Hagan (D-NC), Yea
North Dakota: Conrad (D-ND), Yea Dorgan (D-ND), Yea
Ohio: Brown (D-OH), Yea Voinovich (R-OH), Yea
Oklahoma: Coburn (R-OK), Nay Inhofe (R-OK), Nay
Oregon: Merkley (D-OR), Yea Wyden (D-OR), Yea
Pennsylvania: Casey (D-PA), Yea Specter (D-PA), Not Voting
Rhode Island: Reed (D-RI), Yea Whitehouse (D-RI), Yea
South Carolina: DeMint (R-SC), Nay Graham (R-SC), Nay
South Dakota: Johnson (D-SD), Yea Thune (R-SD), Nay
Tennessee: Alexander (R-TN), Nay Corker (R-TN), Nay
Texas: Cornyn (R-TX), Nay Hutchison (R-TX), Yea
Utah: Bennett (R-UT), Yea Hatch (R-UT), Yea
Vermont: Leahy (D-VT), Yea Sanders (I-VT), Yea
Virginia: Warner (D-VA), Yea Webb (D-VA), Yea
Washington: Cantwell (D-WA), Yea Murray (D-WA), Yea
West Virginia: Byrd (D-WV), Not Voting Rockefeller (D-WV), Yea
Wisconsin: Feingold (D-WI), Yea Kohl (D-WI), Yea
Wyoming: Barrasso (R-WY), Nay Enzi (R-WY), Nay

Source: Senate.gov