So Roman Polanski drugged and raped that 13 year old 31 years ago, Glenn Beck raped and murdered that young girl in 1990, and Brett Ratner, the guy who received his first blowjay from a tranny when he was 13, apparently lost his virginity to a paraplegic tied up to a tree. I really do not understand Brett Ratner at all, to tell you the truth. He has the wildest sex life of any hackjob director of any notoriety that I know of, he got his big break because somehow he got Steven Spielberg to give him a bunch of money in between tranny blowjobs, and he’s made nothing but crap, even though he calls himself an auteur. All the hubbabaloo is about Polanski right now, and I have to throw my hat into that ring after the jump, but really, having Brett Ratner running around scares the hell out of me.

He planned to make his New York, I Love You short completely autobiographical, taking a handicapped girl’s virginity while tied up to a tree in Central Park. He got Anton Yelchin and Olivia Thirlby to play the roles, and the studio made him make it a non-handicapped girl who was ACTING as if she were handicapped. Context, folks, makes it better. I can’t imagine how awkward it will be watching these two big up and comers go at it in the brash, inartistic way that Brett Ratner knows how to do. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything from him that was remotely artistic in any way, hell, After the Sunset may be him at his “auteuriest”, and that has about as much directional flair as a film from any other director for hire studio backlot hound. The difference is that Ratner has his grandiose personality and a catchy name.

Meanwhile, in the wake of all this Roman Polanski hooplah, which if you’ve been living under a rock, his 31 years of living in Europe away from U.S. authorities trying to arrest him for unlawful sexual conduct with a minor in the 70s came to an end when the Swiss pulled a massive dickmove in arresting him en route to the Zurich Film Festival where the festival was going to honor him with Lifetime Achievement. The film community is pissed about this and so should everyone, because yes, while you can agree all you want with the fact that he needed to be brought to justice despite settling a large civil suit and fully atoning to his victim, they used a celebration of the arts to catch an unsuspecting criminal, as a bait and switch that the committee had no idea about.

People keep making claims about how if he weren’t a celebrity, people wouldn’t try to give him a free pass, ignoring the fact that if he weren’t a celebrity, there would be absolutely no case here. It would have been closed years ago, and the guy could stroll through Switzerland with nothing stopping him. It was the greed of L.A. prosecutors wanting to show their brawn in a time where they don’t seem so tough, after the hugely successful Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired played them and the state of California as fools. This whole thing is not about justice, but egos. And as a future hopeful Hollywood scumbag, I root on Woody Allen (the irony here is astounding that he signed the petition to free Polanski), Martin Scorsese, Debra Winger, Harvey Weinstein (who plans to go apeshit on Schwarzenegger if things don’t go the way Harvey wants them to), Asia Argento, Julian Schanbel, the list goes on and on.

Water under a bridge and some shit.

EDIT: Even though this comment got a whole lot of heat over at Rotten Tomatoes, poster Freebirth said it perfectly. Ignore everything I said and just go to the shiny bold text.

So? Are our children at risk now? Nope. He left. Forever. This idea of our judicial system as a tool for retribution (in this case, solely for retribution) is stupid. We’re going to waste hundreds of thousands of dollars in tax revenue to go through the litigation to jail an old man who voluntarily removed himself from pool in which he shat, vowing to never come back lest he be beaten with rods, for what? So a few people can feel like they’re justified on a high horse? The victim doesn’t want retribution. Hell she even had a private settlement with him. Who is this for? What is this for?

Waste of time and money.

Perfect.

The Beaver, the film Jodie Foster is directing with Mel Gibson starring is actually happening, and shooting, and…it’s awesome. Kyle Killen’s script is said to be fantastic, and had Jim Carrey and Steve Carell both expressing great interest in it as a star vehicle with a large studio bidding war over it, and it ended up landing in the best acting/directing hands out of the pool, but maybe not the best studio pool. I still have no faith in Summit Entertainment to do anything right. There’s a detailed and spoilerific review of the script on NewsFilm, which you can read at your own risk, but I’m not going to. I’m just going to let this tell me what it is by itself. It’s Mel Gibson. With a beaver puppet. And it speaks with a heavy British accent. And is “Kaufman-esque.” That’s enough for me. More pictures after the jump.

Believe me, I have some perfectly good excuses explanations for this, and it’s been nagging at me. PA has been rather light on the updating lately, as I’ve spent a long time with the site up and plenty of things to post, but no energy or willpower to write them. There are a variety of reasons for this, but they all tie back to one issue. I’m in an almost hilariously debilitated state. While I “connected” with the A Serious Man trailer when it came out, I wasn’t truly feeling it, because while the mood it set was definitely connectible, there were hardly any catalysts or events that really portrayed Michael Stuhlbarg’s character begging to the rabbi. It became so. However, quotes like this: “I’m hooked. Random, entertaining, and totally funny. Highlight of my day.” from people on Facebook keep me wanting to continue. Eat it, -50 to 50 boy.

As a lot of you know, I’m on this medication (that I’m almost finished with, yes!) that pretty much gives me headaches, body aches, everything aches, makes my bones brittle, makes my lips chapped and makes me have to drink more water than one stomach can ever contain. It wasn’t so bad but it’s been getting worse, even though the effects of it are just about complete. It’s made something already incredibly hard for me, waking up early and going to school, a more difficult affair. Even though this is in theory, my easiest schedule I’ve had, it seems more and more volatile by the day. I tutor in the special education classes first hour (dropped College Algebra, which to my knowledge the highest grade is now a rock solid 80! I was getting no college credit, no mandatory High School credits, and had literally no reason to take it now, and would probably only get a minor heart attack by the end of it. Blood tests hinted at it, actually.), take Freshmen P.E. second hour, as I packed my schedule too tightly to ever take them previously, then a Physics class that is occasionally hard but predominantly a breeze, and a Spanish IV class that I managed to chug along in. As I’ve learned throughout school all my life with the exception of…two classes, is that the easy classes are defined by not being taught and thus not learning anything and never having to show for it, and the hard classes are defined by not being taught and thus not learning anything and then being required to show that you learned something. Today in my Spanish IV class, I pretty much became the bitch of the imperfect tense. Read it all I want, understand the differences between the imperfect and preterit tense as according to the cheat sheets and book notes, even translate it into perfect English, my ability to interpret and decipher which tense applies is worthless. The only thing I get from my teacher and students is quips and vitriolic ridicule. I swear, “just deal with it”, “you better learn it somehow” or “you’ll be fine, just do it” are the only things that teachers or peers know how to say.

But while its mostly passed, I can attribute a lot of why there hasn’t been much on here lately is because if I spoke my mind, a lot of crap would go down. The contents of my life and the people around me lately has been…Twin Peaks 90210. It’s really hilarious, and I can’t wait to write about it all in a novel one day, and if you know what I’m talking about, you really do know what I’m talking about. Yet I feel like posting anything of the four or so “-gate”’s occuring within the realm of postyvent’s majority readership would be problematic at best and sheer nuclear controversy at worst. But it’s just soooooooo funny and yet I think it’s the reason I couldn’t get out of bed last Wednesday. Let’s just say I miss people, I lol at people, I’m shocked, I’m humored, I’m flattered, I’m scared and I’m angry. Some people deserve a lot better than what they’ve received and some people deserve the eighth layer of hell. Yes, Dante, you didn’t find one.

Esoteric much? Well, kind of.

Therefore, I’ve temporarily decided that I should move out the day after graduation, run off to Hollywood, and let the road take me where it wants to go. I crave the Hollywood lifestyle. I’m a scummy individual with the complete urge to be very very grossly rich and scummy while toying with the moving pictures. Studio exec, ideal. Writer/director, nearly ideal. Agent, pretty ideal. Hollywood blogger, I’d take it. Wherever my path goes right now in my currently entirely mediocre, middle-management at best status? Blah. Though, most Hollywood stories end up in a gutter with some Sudafed and Jeffrey Wells confusing you for a toilet. Eek.

Photo: My “American Love” shot, rotated and cropped and completely distorted.

However, pollster organization Strategic Vision certainly is. Leave it to FiveThirtyEight’s Nate Silver to tear down this “polling service” not once, not twice, but three times after they ran that story about how only a small fraction of Oklahoma high school students knew who the first President of the United States was. Of course, there were a few things that just seemed wrong when I first reported it, but the mix of cynicism, misanthropy, and a 67% vote for McCain in the state made me shrug it off…much like everyone else did when they reported this. Fact is, when 0% of the 1,000 kids who took the test get 8 or more questions right, I should have realized that there are kids who would grow up to be hipster lesbian comedians like Cameron Buchholtz in Oklahoma who would get these, and…I’m a sucker for sensationalist news. I need more faith in people.

Turns out Strategic Vision, who was rather mediocre in its 2008 Presidential polling, always sort of in the middle of all their numbers, are a big giant crock of shit and nobody really decided to call this out until FiveThirtyEight, my former homepage back when the numbers were so plentiful and important, looked into it further. The numbers didn’t add up at all to any statistical standard, and it appeared as if they just made them out of thin air (you can just go to the links a paragraph above to dive further). Then it was discovered that they were lying about being an Atlanta based firm, instead they’re just in some small rural town and they harass any major publication that tries to point out what big crocks of shit they are. That’s right, this is just one big scheme.

I wish I was that good.

But I still give them credit for probably being right on with their Arizona numbers, http://www.abc15.com/content/news/phoenixmetro/central/story/Study-Most-Arizona-students-wouldnt-pass/vAiAFR9bbkuBbiXCgIYW2Q.cspx

What happens when you try to compare postyvent to The Diary of Anne Frank? You get South Carolina lollercaust Steven Wright, who’s little anonymous trolling on Facebook turned into one big debacle of long winded AIM conversation that defines what this site is and what it isn’t. He proved my point though about what my goal is with this, and that my friends, is to make you think. And this is him, trying to blow himself for Kenny at ArcadeFeel on webcam. Also, this is a long read, but one Kenny found funny, so you might too. I don’t know. Fact is this is only intended to stick inside of him for months to come. Maybe threaten legal action.

It all begins when the guy, who constantly rants on about how much he hates blogs and how a blog should have no more than ten readers (he doesn’t post yet he thinks he does at stcb.zmannzilla.com, shockingly, he used an out of 100 scale, who knew!), posts this in my honesty box. I knew right away it was him just from his use of prose, brimming with pseudo-intellectualism and attempts at humor that fall flat.

Your website sucks, has sucked and will continue to suck until you start posting original content regularly, which will be never because you’re too lazy to update. Here’s some free help: 1. If you can’t think of anything to post, don’t post anything at all. Half of the updates on your site are completely superfluous. 2. We get it, Glenn Beck and other conservative commentators are crazy. It’s not funny anymore. 3. There are enough liberal blogs out there. Posting political commentary isn’t exactly the kind of material that’s going to get you the hits you so desperately want.

Hey man, you asked for it.

He then sends me an AIM message immediately after, which I then feed to Kenny in real time. The rest will shock you.

(12:19:47 AM) shootingristar: sup
(12:20:05 AM) zach zealous: rum
(12:20:08 AM) zach zealous: you?
(12:20:15 AM) shootingristar: hard liquor
(12:20:24 AM) zach zealous: awesome
(12:21:30 AM) shootingristar: so is your site indicative of how you are in real life
(12:22:19 AM) zach zealous: is your honesty box comment indicative of how you are in real life?
(12:22:27 AM) shootingristar: basically yeah
(12:22:53 AM) shootingristar: that’s why I messaged you, I figured that telling you it was me that posted that would truly be honest
(12:23:04 AM) shootingristar: considering you wanted abuse or whatever
(12:23:37 AM) zach zealous: yes, i am entirely snarky, incendiary, and mostly, someone who feels like their fighting one big crusade
(12:24:12 AM) shootingristar: not a very cohesive crusade
(12:24:20 AM) zach zealous: oh, very much so
(12:24:30 AM) zach zealous: i’m too busy fighting the real crusade to use my website as an outlet
(12:24:34 AM) zach zealous: it’s a tertiary importance
(12:24:51 AM) shootingristar: is it against meat
(12:25:10 AM) zach zealous: a tertiary importance
(12:26:05 AM) shootingristar: shouldn’t the real importance be something like
(12:26:11 AM) shootingristar: 1. getting good grades
(12:26:14 AM) shootingristar: 2. preparing for future
(12:26:14 AM) shootingristar: etc.
(12:26:15 AM) zach zealous: good grades, i have
(12:26:21 AM) zach zealous: preparing for the future, i am
(12:26:26 AM) zach zealous: all that hubbabaloo
(12:26:28 AM) zach zealous: then website
(12:26:54 AM) shootingristar: is that why every article is a headline straight from digg with one paragraph of content
(12:27:19 AM) zach zealous: i never read digg
(12:27:39 AM) zach zealous: and every blog that has more than a paragraph then just has stock paragraphs that say the same fact tidbits that they have in every related post
(12:27:41 AM) shootingristar: a headline straight from *news site here* with one paragraph of content*
(12:27:43 AM) zach zealous: cut the bullshit and you have my site
(12:27:58 AM) zach zealous: i make up my own little witty titles for shock value and search engine usefulness
(12:28:02 AM) zach zealous: most blogs don’t do that
(12:28:07 AM) shootingristar: most blogs suck
(12:28:07 AM) zach zealous: because they are either not smart
(12:28:09 AM) zach zealous: or don’t need to
(12:28:12 AM) zach zealous: sure
(12:28:31 AM) shootingristar: are you familiar with the term “pissing into a sea of piss”
(12:28:39 AM) zach zealous: yes
(12:28:41 AM) shootingristar: it’s very 4chanish
(12:28:44 AM) zach zealous: my piss is orange fucking soda
(12:29:00 AM) shootingristar: figured it’d be an olive
(12:29:15 AM) zach zealous: i’m the whole martini
(12:29:46 AM) zach zealous: somewhat off topic: are you a fan of autoerotic asphyxiation?
(12:29:47 AM) shootingristar: why do you want hits anyway
(12:30:01 AM) shootingristar: no, I’m quite alive
(12:30:04 AM) zach zealous: because the only reason i have a blog is to have influence. infamy is my one goal.
(12:30:26 AM) shootingristar: then why not have the author of the post in BIG LETTERS
(12:30:39 AM) zach zealous: you build
(12:30:48 AM) zach zealous: you have to get under people’s skin and THEN the big letters
(12:30:59 AM) shootingristar: there’s nothing here to get under anyone’s skin
(12:31:06 AM) zach zealous: that’s what you think
(12:31:20 AM) zach zealous: it’s gotten quite a few people approaching me in real life that i didn’t know and they were fucking fuming
(12:31:28 AM) zach zealous: kids i don’t know hate when you call them bigoted assholes
(12:31:31 AM) zach zealous: and kids share links
(12:31:37 AM) shootingristar: no actually I think you’re wasting your time
(12:31:58 AM) zach zealous: if i wanted five loyal readers like you so desire (which you don’t get), i’d have a fucking blogspot
(12:32:29 AM) shootingristar: I didn’t realize there were substantial differences between blog types
(12:33:02 AM) zach zealous: the fun thing is, Kenneth and Adrian blocked you how many months ago? Which means you ignored me for how many months? and yet STILL read my blog like it’s scripture?
(12:33:18 AM) shootingristar: actually I don’t
(12:33:33 AM) shootingristar: like you, I have too much time
(12:33:41 AM) shootingristar: and I occasionally check it, yes
(12:33:44 AM) zach zealous: I don’t have enough time. If I did, there’d be far more articles.
(12:33:46 AM) zach zealous: Far more updates.
(12:34:00 AM) zach zealous: Life is a bitch and I want more time at my computer to blog. But I don’t so I don’t.
(12:34:29 AM) shootingristar: and that’s what I don’t understand
(12:34:34 AM) shootingristar: why write when you have nothing to say
(12:34:42 AM) zach zealous: But I have a lot to say, and I say it, and it’s fantastic.
(12:34:52 AM) zach zealous: i only say a little of what i want to say and have to say
(12:34:54 AM) zach zealous: but i still say it
(12:34:57 AM) zach zealous: and it rocks
(12:35:28 AM) zach zealous: getting 1000 unique visitors in a day and having 700 of them “returning” = i am a tiny asian doctor
(12:36:07 AM) shootingristar: you ever read the diary of anne frank
(12:36:17 AM) zach zealous: i have
(12:36:30 AM) zach zealous: if you try to compare blogging to the diary of anne frank
(12:36:31 AM) shootingristar: a publisher turned it away
(12:36:33 AM) zach zealous: i will lol myself silly
(12:37:02 AM) shootingristar: saying something to the equivalent of “the girl does not have any sort of special perception that elevates the book above a curiosity status”.
(12:37:05 AM) shootingristar: that’s blogs
(12:37:06 AM) shootingristar: all of them
(12:37:27 AM) shootingristar: all of you people have absolutely nothing original to say
(12:38:13 AM) zach zealous: you are like robin williams’ son in world’s greatest dad
(12:38:17 AM) zach zealous: it’s fucking official
(12:38:54 AM) shootingristar: do you ever think about that?
(12:39:11 AM) shootingristar: writing crap all the time
(12:39:49 AM) zach zealous: I find my crap to be rather fantastic.
(12:39:51 AM) shootingristar: I just wonder what makes you guys tick sometimes
(12:40:09 AM) zach zealous: Most people think Chuck Palahniuk is crap. I love his crap.
(12:40:28 AM) shootingristar: congrats
(12:40:32 AM) zach zealous: I love Anne Frank’s crap.
(12:40:34 AM) shootingristar: you’re so edgy
(12:40:46 AM) zach zealous: Sarcastically calling people edgy is in itself, edgy.
(12:41:45 AM) zach zealous: This conversation is like Frost/Nixon, except in this case, Frost is a fucking retard
(12:42:05 AM) shootingristar: so I don’t get it, what makes me of inferior intelligence to you
(12:42:36 AM) zach zealous: other than being a worthless troll who compared internet blogs to a teenager’s diary in the holocaust
(12:42:37 AM) zach zealous: nothing
(12:42:53 AM) shootingristar: all writing is similar
(12:43:09 AM) shootingristar: in that regard, at least
(12:43:20 AM) shootingristar: if you don’t have anything to say, it’s probably not very good
(12:43:23 AM) zach zealous: you half-broke Godwin’s law
(12:43:26 AM) zach zealous: I have plenty to say.
(12:43:28 AM) zach zealous: and it’s fantastic.
(12:43:30 AM) zach zealous: we’ve covered this.
(12:43:36 AM) shootingristar: if you don’t have something special about yourself that makes what you say interesting, it’s also probably crap
(12:44:14 AM) shootingristar: you’re not famous, you don’t have a degree, you haven’t even graduated from high school
(12:44:15 AM) zach zealous: What I say is interesting. As I’ve been told by someone who I put quite a bit more stock in than yourself, no offense, as it was a teacher I didn’t even know until I found out they read my blog:
(12:44:25 AM) zach zealous: “You seem so biased yet you’re still entirely objective. It’s fascinating.”
(12:44:43 AM) shootingristar: you really think that?
(12:44:45 AM) zach zealous: in order to be famous, you have to start at not being famous, unless if you’re born famous. most aren’t.
(12:44:54 AM) shootingristar: this is not a very good start
(12:44:59 AM) shootingristar: unless you want to be infamous
(12:45:09 AM) shootingristar: which is not something usually strived for
(12:45:11 AM) zach zealous: I do what I do for fun.
(12:45:19 AM) shootingristar: what pleasure do you derive from this
(12:45:25 AM) zach zealous: and infamy is hilarious. to go back to your 4chan comparison.
(12:45:32 AM) zach zealous: life is best lived through finding lulz, sir.
(12:45:40 AM) shootingristar: 4chan sucks and ED sucks
(12:45:48 AM) zach zealous: until you and your completely antisocial tendencies and furious wanking stops
(12:46:04 AM) zach zealous: you will be alone and bitter and causing me much laughter as you try to insult to limited impact
(12:46:10 AM) zach zealous: -60 to 60, man
(12:46:14 AM) zach zealous: you rate things on a scape of -60 to 60
(12:46:20 AM) zach zealous: pretentious doesn’t even begin to cover it
(12:46:33 AM) shootingristar: you don’t understand the rating scale
(12:46:38 AM) shootingristar: it’s been adjusted since then as well
(12:46:52 AM) zach zealous: i don’t need to understand it
(12:46:56 AM) shootingristar: of course not
(12:47:03 AM) zach zealous: it doesn’t make it any less pretentious
(12:47:05 AM) zach zealous: “edgy”
(12:47:17 AM) shootingristar: you can form an opinion about anything without any information
(12:47:26 AM) shootingristar: you do it all the time
(12:47:39 AM) zach zealous: not once.
(12:47:43 AM) zach zealous: i have all the information i need.
(12:47:54 AM) shootingristar: it’s incorrect information
(12:47:58 AM) shootingristar: the scale never went from -60 to 60
(12:48:00 AM) shootingristar: ever
(12:48:13 AM) shootingristar: at one point it went from -50 to 50
(12:48:30 AM) shootingristar: and it didn’t have finite boundaries
(12:48:39 AM) zach zealous: -50 to 50…or, as people who aren’t striving to look like they’re the next fucking stephen hawking would call it
(12:48:39 AM) shootingristar: but it was never capped at -60
(12:48:40 AM) zach zealous: 0 to 100
(12:48:56 AM) shootingristar: except 0 is a much better standard
(12:49:14 AM) shootingristar: 50 would be representing the film as average, which is incorrect
(12:49:28 AM) shootingristar: we gave nukie a -5246
(12:49:28 AM) zach zealous: zero means worthless, non existant
(12:49:35 AM) shootingristar: zero is neutral
(12:49:39 AM) zach zealous: something average is zero and non existant
(12:49:41 AM) zach zealous: zero doesn’t exist
(12:49:43 AM) zach zealous: it’s an abstract concept
(12:49:54 AM) shootingristar: ugh
(12:50:00 AM) shootingristar: this is not mathematics
(12:50:15 AM) zach zealous: a rating is a percentage
(12:50:20 AM) zach zealous: that’s where the 0 to 100 scale came from
(12:50:23 AM) shootingristar: it’s not
(12:50:26 AM) shootingristar: not on this scale
(12:50:43 AM) zach zealous: which makes this an incredibly farfetched system that exists for no reason other than to be difficult and different
(12:50:56 AM) shootingristar: that’s funny, you site only exists for your own whim and fancy
(12:51:07 AM) shootingristar: why can’t my rating scale be extended artifically for the same reasons
(12:51:20 AM) zach zealous: yes, and to spread my propaganda and hatred and misanthropy into unsuspecting minds
(12:51:34 AM) zach zealous: not something as miniscule as a rating system
(12:51:44 AM) shootingristar: miniscule?
(12:51:47 AM) shootingristar: not quite
(12:52:03 AM) zach zealous: OH HAI METRIC AND US CUSTOMARY, I CREATED A NEW FORM OF MEASUREMENT. GET THE HELL OUT THE ELEPHANNY IS THE NEW MILE YEEHAW
(12:52:16 AM) shootingristar: it’s about the only thing that seperates the riffs we do from the original MS3K
(12:52:22 AM) shootingristar: do you realize how hypocritical you sound
(12:52:38 AM) zach zealous: not really
(12:52:54 AM) zach zealous: having a blog is almost equal to creating your own ratings system that is hilariously obscure?
(12:53:14 AM) shootingristar: having a blog that often includes obscure references to things that your average reader wouldn’t understand
(12:53:17 AM) shootingristar: references to facebook
(12:53:18 AM) shootingristar: yourself
(12:53:21 AM) shootingristar: shit that doesn’t matter
(12:53:51 AM) shootingristar: you defend it by basically saying “IT’S MY BLOG I DO WHAT I WANT WITH IT”
(12:53:54 AM) shootingristar: it’s my rating scale
(12:53:57 AM) shootingristar: I do what I want with it
(12:54:03 AM) zach zealous: not my fault people don’t understand references
(12:54:09 AM) shootingristar: actually it is
(12:54:20 AM) shootingristar: you’re responsible for your content appealling to your audience
(12:54:20 AM) zach zealous: i can’t read the pulse of people that i don’t know if they’re reading or not
(12:54:26 AM) zach zealous: my audience understands it then
(12:54:37 AM) zach zealous: cause nobody’s ever made it clear that they don’t understand
(12:54:43 AM) shootingristar: unless you want your audience to include only your close friends, no, they don’t
(12:54:49 AM) shootingristar: that’s because they think it’s worthless and they leave
(12:54:51 AM) zach zealous: no other blog ever cares to explain their references, that i read
(12:54:55 AM) zach zealous: cause me, the target audience, gets them already
(12:54:55 AM) shootingristar: blogs suck
(12:55:01 AM) shootingristar: why do you not understand this
(12:55:06 AM) zach zealous: i had a 30% bounce rate
(12:55:08 AM) zach zealous: yesterday
(12:55:20 AM) zach zealous: my audience is too big to just be friends
(12:55:32 AM) zach zealous: bonafide success? it’s possible
(12:56:00 AM) shootingristar: if you define success as “people reading it”, I suppose
(12:56:07 AM) zach zealous: reading it
(12:56:10 AM) zach zealous: and coming back for more
(12:56:18 AM) zach zealous: i like what i say
(12:56:21 AM) zach zealous: other people apparently like what i say
(12:56:28 AM) zach zealous: while you sit in the corner and go rabble rabble rabble
(12:56:30 AM) shootingristar: and again I still don’t quite comprehend why you only care about reader volume
(12:56:57 AM) shootingristar: is that all this is about
(12:57:06 AM) shootingristar: nothing more than having people agree with you over petty issues
(12:57:10 AM) zach zealous: because if i’m going to say something, i don’t want to be a tree falling down in the woods
(12:57:20 AM) zach zealous: no, it’s about people disagreeing
(12:57:33 AM) zach zealous: i want to be the reason people don’t sleep at night
(12:57:36 AM) shootingristar: why
(12:57:47 AM) shootingristar: who would want to be that
(12:57:51 AM) shootingristar: that’s Glenn Beck
(12:57:54 AM) shootingristar: that’s Michael Savage
(12:58:17 AM) zach zealous: the only reason people don’t sleep at night because of Michael Savage is that he owns a company that makes rather vile tasting energy drinks
(12:59:01 AM) shootingristar: you don’t think liberals lose sleep thinking that what he says might actually be believed by his listeners?
(12:59:11 AM) zach zealous: i wasn’t aware anyone listens to him anymore
(12:59:16 AM) zach zealous: and it’s fire fighting fire
(12:59:28 AM) zach zealous: why do i focus so much on politics when i find film my most important forte?
(12:59:35 AM) zach zealous: because the left wing fire is dim
(12:59:43 AM) zach zealous: i’m just doing my part
(12:59:58 AM) shootingristar: whatever man
(1:00:34 AM) zach zealous: you hate the idea of blogging in general more than you hate me or my blog
(1:00:41 AM) shootingristar: I don’t hate your or your blog
(1:00:42 AM) zach zealous: i’m just an outlet cause i’m the only one on right now for you to bud heads with
(1:00:45 AM) shootingristar: you or your blog*
(1:00:56 AM) zach zealous: in related news, did you know that i also have a twitter?
(1:00:59 AM) shootingristar: I just wonder why you do it when you could be writing something that’s actually decent
(1:01:10 AM) zach zealous: i am writing things that are decent
(1:01:16 AM) zach zealous: as my two celtx files up right now suggest
(1:01:18 AM) shootingristar: no scholar reads blogs
(1:01:37 AM) zach zealous: scholars read newspapers, all of which are going out of print and existing entirely online in the form of…blogs!
(1:02:02 AM) shootingristar: or, you know, mainstream news sites
(1:02:08 AM) shootingristar: that don’t post biased opinions
(1:02:15 AM) shootingristar: well, openly post biased opinions
(1:02:30 AM) zach zealous: there isn’t a major news organization that can claim to be non-partisan
(1:02:43 AM) shootingristar: they claim to be so all the time
(1:02:45 AM) zach zealous: fact is, i will never be as much of a sensationalist as the three major news networks on cable
(1:03:02 AM) zach zealous: and that i actually find to be sad, because it seems like they don’t even have to try to be completely devoid of any objectivity
(1:03:13 AM) shootingristar: well neither do you
(1:04:03 AM) zach zealous: i don’t, and i’m far too objective for my own good
(1:04:12 AM) shootingristar: sorry man, you aren’t
(1:04:17 AM) shootingristar: there is no objectivity
(1:04:22 AM) zach zealous: nah, there is
(1:04:33 AM) zach zealous: i go with the bias that the truth represents
(1:04:42 AM) zach zealous: for example: carrie prejean is an idiot
(1:04:43 AM) zach zealous: that’s just how it is
(1:04:46 AM) shootingristar: that’s not objectivity
(1:04:47 AM) zach zealous: i can’t sugarcoat that
(1:04:54 AM) shootingristar: you want it to be the objective truth
(1:04:55 AM) shootingristar: but it’s not
(1:05:01 AM) zach zealous: i would not be objective if i said otherwise
(1:05:02 AM) shootingristar: because the objective truth cannot be defined
(1:05:19 AM) shootingristar: so, sorry, you aren’t objective
(1:05:24 AM) shootingristar: we’re all biased
(1:05:26 AM) shootingristar: I’m biased
(1:05:34 AM) shootingristar: I think Glenn Beck is an idiot but that’s not the objective truth
(1:05:42 AM) shootingristar: You can test him but the IQ test will have a bias
(1:05:55 AM) shootingristar: unless you are a theist, there is no objectivity in the universe
(1:06:30 AM) zach zealous: you’re going to throw that out there now after sort of building your entire argument on this issue on one group being more objective than the other?
(1:07:57 AM) shootingristar: I said there was no objectivity
(1:08:16 AM) shootingristar: I didn’t say there are no degrees of bias
(1:08:31 AM) shootingristar: something can be more objective than another thing
(1:08:36 AM) shootingristar: it just can’t be truly objective
(1:09:38 AM) shootingristar: that’s why you know the slant the news is going to give
(1:09:52 AM) shootingristar: and attempt to compensate for it by reading other biased resources
(1:10:00 AM) zach zealous: nah
(1:10:01 AM) shootingristar: this rarely works
(1:10:03 AM) zach zealous: I hear something
(1:10:10 AM) zach zealous: I know everything there is to know
(1:10:12 AM) shootingristar: is it a terrible reference
(1:10:15 AM) zach zealous: I make a post based on the interpretation
(1:10:26 AM) shootingristar: okay, great
(1:10:32 AM) shootingristar: that’s not objectivity
(1:10:52 AM) zach zealous: i start every story with a fresh slate
(1:10:56 AM) shootingristar: no, you don’t
(1:10:58 AM) zach zealous: but my word is the truth, the universe and everything
(1:11:00 AM) zach zealous: i am 42
(1:11:10 AM) shootingristar: that’s a great example of an unfunny reference
(1:11:19 AM) shootingristar: you admit to being hilariously leftist
(1:11:31 AM) shootingristar: there are no “clean slates”
(1:11:38 AM) zach zealous: yes
(1:11:41 AM) zach zealous: the truth has a liberal bias
(1:11:44 AM) zach zealous: every story
(1:11:46 AM) zach zealous: that’s just reinforced
(1:11:49 AM) shootingristar: no, it doesn’t
(1:11:52 AM) shootingristar: you perceive that it does
(1:12:06 AM) shootingristar: no group is more right than any other
(1:12:09 AM) zach zealous: by your logic
(1:12:19 AM) shootingristar: objectively
(1:12:29 AM) zach zealous: “this orange juice is too cold” is just as objective as “this orange juice was created by space overlords in the 18th century and you were brainwashed into thinking you are drinking it”
(1:12:35 AM) zach zealous: by your logic
(1:13:04 AM) shootingristar: no, actually, if mulitple perceptions point to the former conclusion
(1:13:14 AM) shootingristar: we can conclude that it is more objective than the latter
(1:13:35 AM) shootingristar: of course, perceptions are ranked by importance
(1:13:35 AM) zach zealous: yes, and “end of life counseling” is more objective than “death panels”
(1:13:53 AM) zach zealous: and the side that spouted the latter tends to go with that kind of answer 99% of the time
(1:13:56 AM) zach zealous: truth = liberal bias
(1:13:57 AM) zach zealous: hoorah
(1:14:10 AM) zach zealous: plug in the numbers and the equations end up solving themselves
(1:14:22 AM) shootingristar: except they don’t
(1:14:42 AM) shootingristar: forget it man
(1:14:47 AM) shootingristar: it’s not worth the trouble
(1:14:48 AM) zach zealous: lynch the birther!
(1:15:47 AM) shootingristar: so you see the world in black and white
(1:16:07 AM) shootingristar: conservatives will always be stupid
(1:16:12 AM) shootingristar: liberals always better
(1:16:17 AM) shootingristar: etc.
(1:16:18 AM) zach zealous: no
(1:16:19 AM) zach zealous: not always
(1:16:24 AM) zach zealous: but most of the time, yeah
(1:16:30 AM) zach zealous: if i have to pick between who’s less wrong and more wrong
(1:16:56 AM) shootingristar: then who’s right
(1:17:10 AM) zach zealous: the more objectively not wrong person
(1:17:36 AM) shootingristar: as defined by you

Much like cable and satellite companies have an “On Demand” service for movies and TV shows, Spain will be allowing abortions for any and all women 16 and up. The current law only allows abortion if the woman was raped, if the fetus has genetic defects or if the health of the mother is in danger. The new legislation would be giving away abortions on demand during the first 14 weeks of pregnancy without parental consent. Naturally, the conservatives of Spain are going batshit, though they seem significantly less batshit than our conservative party as Spain already has laws in place legalizing gay marriage and making divorce easier. Where can we get some of Spain’s liberalism/fascism/socialism/terrorism/whatever else idiots wanna call it?

“I don’t know if I have anything to say that’ll fit your idea of a “good” honesty box message, but whatever. You’re a total elitist son of a bitch but you pull it off with such panache (yeah I used fuckin’ panache) that I can’t possibly consider it to be a bad thing. You’re one intriguing individual. That’s all I can really say, I guess. It’s not like I have a lot to base it off of.” – anonymous facebook user, via honesty box

http://honestybox.com/zachheltzel will let you talk all the shit you want to me. There’s been some gems so far, and they’ve stuck it to me real good. Annoying my ass.

It is very possible that I may have found the worst video to ever be made by a major corporation. Microsoft, bless their hearts, have made a 6 minute advertisement for Windows 7 pushing their idea of having grassroots launch parties for the release of the new operating system, like Barack Obama supporters having grassroots fundraising and local organizing groups that started entirely from people at home, or a bunch of tweens watching The Hills or whatever. All this in an effort to try to pull this aggressive “HAI GUYS WINDOWS IS EDGY” campaign they’ve been failing at against Apple. This ad plays like a bad joke, a conservative housewife, an old woman, a black guy and a nerd walk into a bar…except this bar is a fancy middle class kitchen…and there’s all sorts of fruit and cheese and yumminess on the table, and these people know each other and are hanging out (no), and they’re celebrating the launch of an operating system. I could see this if it were a bunch of Spencer Pearson’s gathering around the new Kubuntu, but that would not go well for a company’s image. Instead you get this, and I couldn’t even make it halfway through. As Gorb on Rotten Tomatoes suggested (OH MY FRICKIN’ HECK PLAGIARISM), it’s like this was made by the guys who brought us ExtenZe. If Windows 7 wasn’t totally awesome, could we afford to make this terrible terrible commercial?

“So, scandal-loving person that you are, I’m surprised that postavant.com has nothing about Mackenzie Phillips and her 10-year-incest streak with her dad.” was just sent to me via AIM (my sn is zach zealous, in case if anyone wants to IM me). And now I feel like I have to talk about it, even though it was pretty much everywhere and I didn’t feel like hitting a destroyed drum, but I must now, for irony’s sake.

What was I thinking when I heard that? “Umm, yeah, I thought we already knew that.” That’s right. I have “Incestwithdaddydar”. And to continue with Liz quotes: “That has to suck for her husband. “woah…you not only cheated on me…you cheated on me with your father?!”"

The one thing I’ve absolutely adored since starting up postavant in June is how it’s encouraged me to become an avid reader of so many other blogs and podcasts, and just how much of a small world the internet is. When you post something, other people are going to read it, and everyone is reading each other and are ready to pounce whenever you make a faux-paw. InContention gets 80 readers for every one I get, and yet I lured Guy Lodge over with about 10 minutes of making two troll posts with absolutely no tact or attempts to be constructive. It’s a fun time, and while I could only dream to get Sasha Stone’s or Jeffrey Wells’ quantity of readers or any sort of influence, I definitely feel the buzz just by reading them. I read them both daily and even have one of them on my personal Facebook friends, which makes blogger “bitchslapping” just so much fun to read. Internet journalism is like Bill O’Reilly (who had Jeffrey on his program, which was an awesome sight to see) and Keith Olbermann if their shows were 24 hours instead of just all concentrated into one hour, and it’s just plain beautiful.

This all begins with the observation that in this little circle of bloggers, everyone posts on each other’s comments, and quips and jabs are commonplace. My window is incredibly limited, but today is the first time I’ve really seen the gloves come off and go into tennis volleys of posts. It REALLY begins when AwardsDaily, the Oscar blog of Ryan Adams and Sasha Stone, post a harmless poll of what users predict the 10 main best picture contenders at this state in the race. The first thing I notice is that I could not pick 10…and not because I had to pick between some, but because there weren’t 10 good options, but I had the good grace to realize that it was because this is a really odd year, where it doesn’t seem like there are many possibilities. It really seems like an Up in the Air vs. Precious race, with The Hurt Locker going to make waves and prestige pics like Nine and Token Clint Eastwood Movie Invictus getting in no matter how they are received. It’s so predictable that it’s unpredictable, which is cool.

Then we get Jeffrey Wells, who is always crass but you can’t help but to keep reading Hollywood Elsewhere anyway. He criticizes the list for having phenomenally stupid choices, and while I do agree that a lot of the options are near impossibilities at this point or never have been, just about all but one (just because I haven’t heard of the film, my ignorance, not theirs) belong on the list, because this is a really, really barren year, it seems, for academy-centric films. Sure, I can complain all I want that films like Adventureland, The Brothers Bloom and Watchmen aren’t there, but they are definitely not getting any nominations for anything, even if I feel that they should. Jeffrey doesn’t seem to realize the state of the race, that if the films that were the choices he found ridiculous weren’t there, then what the flying hell would be?

Sasha was quick to snipe back, calling him out on 1. the unpredictability of the race and 2. letting your subjective feelings or hunches get in the way of the big picture. I really hope Amelia is completely out of the picture and I agree with most of Jeffrey’s reasoning for films that will never get a BP nomination, but it doesn’t invalidate the poll in any way nor the film’s chances, slim, but everything is slim this year with the exception of the few shoo-ins for nominations. Notice though, the use of the word “absurd”, which of course ticks Jeffrey off.

Jeffrey just about writes a memoir in response, and accuses of AD putting its readers to sleep, completely picking apart her argument, etc. Why the hell am I commentating on what anyone can read on two much more trafficked blogs? Because I can, because it’s fun, and I am just digging the hell out of it. Keep it up, everyone! In conclusion, I love you all.

Click it to read it.

If you’re Jon Hamm, Will Ferrell, Linda Cardellini, Masi Oka, Olivia Wilde, Thomas Lennon, Donald Faison, Masi Oka, Ben Garant or Jordana Spiro, you understand the plight of the private insurance companies in this healthcare debate. Proof that not all Hollywood types are liberal commie bastards. John Wayne was wrong! Video after the jump.

This thing is going to have 7 million views by tomorrow, but it has 70,000 at the time I post. Just, wow.

Leave it to people at MIT to completely blow the minds of everyone ever. They have, if their trials are correct, have found the icebreaker of icebreakers, the slander of all ultimate slanders, the dramanuke of dramanukes, the ability to use Facebook and algorithmically discover the sexuality of every person on it. There’s no way this can be 100%, but this is both exciting and frightening. It’s the drama Hiroshima 9/11 Xenu Holocaust of dramas. And it’s coming soon to a Facebook near you.

Carter Jernigan and Behram Mistree created a software for a research project that determines someone’s sexuality from just their public Facebook info, meaning you don’t even have to friend them. How this works, I have no idea, but in 947 trials, the program found all 10 “hidden gays” in the sampling, according to the Boston Globe.

Before they release the software to the public, they still need to work out the kink they have with lesbians, which have less than perfect results. But damn…this is cool.

Carrie Prejean, you ignorant slut. You’re intolerant. You’re disgusting. Congratulations, you’re proud for being a terrible human being in the name of God, “standing up for him” just so your little prejudice and desire to keep rights away from people. Yes, I’m going to attack you and everyone else will. You aren’t brave, you aren’t courageous, you’re a cowardly bigot. LOOK AT ME I’M SO GREAT BECAUSE I DON’T WANT GAY PEOPLE TO HAVE THE SAME RIGHTS I DO!