50 Things I Hate About Transformers 2
Author: Sterling Heltzel | Filed under: Uncategorized
by Todd Dautel
No critique, or attempting to dissect this abortion of a film. I’m listing the top 50 things (yes, there were more than 50) things that pissed me off while I watched this. Tons of spoilers afoot. Here we go!
50. A mountain dew vending machine in the dorm room? what?
49. The good guys deciding to taser security guards at a musem.
48. More spineless politicians in an action movie who act the opposite of real life.
47. Sam using a dirty sock to carry the important plot device dust around.
46. The Egyptian police showing up out of nowhere to chase our heroes around.
45. Robots showing up and disappearing from scenes with no explination.
44. One old robot needs a cane, while the Fallen, who is literally older than mankind, is spry as can be.
43. The heroes finding the Matrix at the city of Petra, which in the real world is in Jordan, and return to the Great Pyramids with it in like 1 hour.
42. As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure the movie was implying they found the Matrix while still in Egypt.
41. More stupid fucking hackers!
40. College parties that look like post-Oscar nightclubs.
39. Every damn robot except for Optimus and the Twinz sounds the exact same.
38. All of the appliances turn into Decepticons for some reason that is never explained. Maybe they hated their job, who knows?
37. Mom and Dad’s disturbing attempt at flirting in front of the kid.
36. Sam’s baby booties!!!!!!
35. Bad Boys II movie poster. No one should ever own one of those. I don’t even think Bay himself does.
34. The soundtrack. Music is usually used poorly and sometimes even inappropriately.
33. Megan Fox attempting to mourn Shia’s (apparent) death.
32. The Twinz making fun of the roommate, and just sounding homophobic.
31. The roommate attempting to have a moral dilemma in the film.
30. John Tuturro’s character demanding to know who he’s talking to on the radio, like he has some sort of rank still.
29. Every national landmark in Egypt being systematically blown apart seemingly at random.
28. Bumblebee crying.
27. Sam riding inside Optimus, then Optimus transforming and suddenly Sam is just running along.
26. People go places without any reason. Constantly.
25. Ironhide being able to “smell” a nearby Decepticon.
24. Optimus Prime airdropping onto the fight in Hong Kong by starting as a truck, changing into robot form, then changing back before he touches ground.
23. Sam’s parents being stereotypical tourists in France in regards to food.
22. The Twinz fighting over who gets to be green.
21. The leg-humpbot rolling around the bike show the entire time, then stopping to take giant steps into mouse and roach traps.
20. The mom getting stoned and tackling some guy.
19. The midget Egyptian letting them into the pyramid site just because they’re from New York.
18. Devastator doing nothing but clinb a pyramid and then die.
17. The final fight between Prime and the Fallen sucking so hard.
16. Bumblebee destroying the house he lives at to stop some random appliances-turned-evil.
15. The Twinz as a shit-talking ice cream truck. In China.
14. Tanks making it from the Red Sea coast to the Great Pyramids in like 5 minutes. Does anyone involved with this movie even know what Geography is?
13. Megan Fox flying commercial WITH a robot locked in a trunk and not getting stopped.
12. Cutting from the action scene to see two dogs fucking.
11. Every single joke told the entire movie.
10. Devistator’s balls. Seriously, they rendered a robot with giant testicles.
09. Robot Heaven
08. The robot humping Megan Fox’s leg for no reason
07. The Decepticon that looks like a slut. If Decepticons can look like humans, why aren’t they utilizing it more? Surely its less obvious than a tank or a plane.
06. The leg-humpbot calling John Tuturro a “pubic-fro head”.
05. The entire fucking plot. Or lack thereof. Sorry, action defenders, but if things happen in the movie for no discinernable reason, then it doesn’t matter that they happened.
04. Shia LaBeouf’s stupid face.
03. The entire concept of the Twinz, from looks to speech to the fact they serve no purpose to even be in the movie.
02. The fact that the movie is over two and a half hours long, and only about 30 minutes of that actually has robots doing stuff. There’s a one and a half hour stretch in the middle of the film where nothing. happens. whatsoever. Sam loses his mind, goes party, and spazzes in class.
01. Michael Bay is known as THE action director, and yet the action in this movie is some of the worst I’ve seen. There are about 4 scenes out of near three hours that actually caught my attention. The majority of the action in the movie was a giant mess of metal and light flashes that made it impossible to tell who was who and what was happening. Constant panning, spinning, flipping and quick cuts doesn’t make the action seem more intense, it just makes it seem disorientating and takes the viewer out of the film. Even the wide shots of the robots fighting still couldn’t make it look good. What a horrible clusterfuck of a movie.
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Tags: 50 Reasons Transformers sucks, Michael Bay, Michael Bay Sucks, Reasons Transformers Sucks, Revenge of the Fallen, Revenge of the Fallen Sucks Reasons, Skids and Mudflap, Transformers, Transformers 2 Sucks, Transformers Revenge of the Fallen sucks, Why Transformers sucks
July 11th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Whoever wrote this, you either don’t pay attention to the movies you watch or you’re just a complete moron. If you actually watched the movie properly then most of the things in this list explain themselves, quite clearly. And I could riff off a big list of things that were wrong with what you said, and explain why but I can’t be bothered, watch the movie, without being an overly cynical prick, and you’ll see how many off the things in you’re list are wrong.
July 11th, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Clearly I did watch the movie, as I was able to recall specific details of the film. And I was paying attention, I assure you. Probably too much attention, as I didn’t, as most Transformers 2 defenders would say, “turn my brain off” while watching.
What kind of movie inspires defenses that say in no fewer words that you must be stupid to like it? A very bad movie, thats what.
July 11th, 2009 at 10:05 pm
That was amazing buddy, thanks for that.
July 13th, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Haven’t seen this yet, but this list actually makes me want to more…
July 14th, 2009 at 3:55 am
Dude, the majority of these points are completely invalid as they can all be explained, especially the points you made of the Transformers, like the old dude needing a cane. If you actually new the history of the Transformers, not just criticised them cause you dont understand, then you would realise some of your points are obviously wrong. He needs a cane because, although the Fallen is alot older, he comes from the generation of transformers that never transformed into something, they all looked like he did, therefore he wouldnt age like Jetfire. Jetfire is younger than the Fallen, but he is one of the transformers who were Seekers, and could transform into an alt mode, but because of this, the armour he gains from his alt rusts and decays over time.
And Bumblebee crying, they are robots, but organic, automic robots, which have robotic organs and fluid circulating them, therefore, crying is easy for them.
If you want anything else explained, then thats easy.
July 20th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
You do realize Ret that you just completely blew your own points out of this conversation by making about as much sense as this movie.
Organic automic robots…REALLY seriously you just said that. Man kids that think they know everything need a kick in the teeth the movie was fucking terrible
This guy didnt even mention the worst part of the movie being the fact that optimus needs to be ressurected by the Matrix and Megatron is brought back to life by a small piece of the cube. Explain it I dare yah cause you cant just like all your other explanations dont make sense clearly stated in the film they needed energon so they didnt rust they made no mention of Fallen not transforming. He also was a satellite that transformed and attacked another satellite. so thats debunked right there.
July 20th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Cheddar…there is not one complete sentence in that entire post.
July 20th, 2009 at 2:15 pm
“He needs a cane because, although the Fallen is alot older, he comes from the generation of transformers that never transformed into something, they all looked like he did, therefore he wouldnt age like Jetfire.”
So how does transforming correlate to the aging process? Having the ability to transform causes the transformer to age faster why?
“Jetfire is younger than the Fallen, but he is one of the transformers who were Seekers, and could transform into an alt mode, but because of this, the armour he gains from his alt rusts and decays over time.”
But all of the parts used in his jet form and his robotic form are the same, so they should wear equally. He doesn’t suddenly grow new parts when he transforms does he?
Cheddar does bring up a good point. Why was it necessary to hunt down the Matrix of Leadership (a.k.a. the Robotic MacGuffin of Robotology) when Megatron was brought back to life with one measly sliver of the cube? Sam had a piece of the cube hidden in a sock. Use that. That hour or so they spent searching for the matrix could’ve been used for something useful. Like giving us a short nap so we could ready ourselves for the rest of it.
Your points are moot, try again.
July 20th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
[...] like the over 300 comments “The Twilight Backlash Is Warranted” received in January, is Todd’s list of things wrong with Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which only listed 50 though I can assure you there are a lot more. People came out to [...]
July 20th, 2009 at 2:29 pm
This article and its comments are like a fantastic circus sideshow.
July 20th, 2009 at 10:06 pm
trolling has never looked so professional
July 21st, 2009 at 12:29 pm
I’ll try and explain a bit better, but please note this information isn’t from the films, rather from the lore of the Transformers that Hasbro has made over the years.
The aging process is of the Transformers armour from their vehicle form, as, if you remember from the first film, when Optimus and Ratchet etc came to Earth, they all looked identical, until they chose a vehicle to transform into, as their current alt was of the spherical metorite shape they were when they landed. Its this armour they gain that ages, not them themselves. Hope that may explain it better.
And as for the matrix of leadership, the Decepticons had already stolen the piece from the hanger, which was one of two pieces remaining, the other being the one Sam has in his sock. However, the matrix was needed because the Autobots would never use something they didn’t know the full effects of, as Prime wouldn’t allow it. So, they needed the Matrix, which also is known as the Matrix of the Primes to bring back a Prime.
The only reason the Decepticons knew it would work is because of the Fallen being as old as he is, he knows the power of the All Spark, and being the creator of the Decpeticons, it would be in his best interest to bring back Megatron.
Let me know if that helps in anyway in explaining.
Also, do note i feel this film wasn’t as great as it could have been, but i also think Bay made it a film you need to sort of fill in some points without it being explained to you, which is a bad move on his part.
July 21st, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Just one more point, the film didn’t state they need Energon to stop themselves rusting, it said they needed it to create new life, as the newborn sparks weren’t strong enough to keep them alive.
July 28th, 2009 at 6:53 am
I am a real die hard Transformers fan and I think the movie smelled something fierce. I can tell you most of the explanations (Transformation making you older, energon giving life, etc) is completely false or exclusive to the movie. According to the most recent Transformers stories the IDW Transformers comic (good stuff), energon is required to sustain life not create it and for Transformers, or rather Cybertronians (Transformers is the name of the product), age is more about a state of mind then a physical concept of aging, yes, there are “old” Transformers (Ironhide and Kup) but they are not in a degenerative physical state but rather experienced, stubborn, and/or have neglected to update there systems for some reason or another (Transformers Spotlight: Kup).
July 31st, 2009 at 3:08 am
The movie would be decent if you cut out all the “humor”.
Ditch all the humping, any scene with the twins, any fart / butt / testies jokes, and you’re left with an acceptable 90 minute movie. One that still retains the same amount of “sense” it originally had, but with none of the crap meant to stimulate retarded gits.
July 31st, 2009 at 9:39 pm
“This guy didnt even mention the worst part of the movie being the fact that optimus needs to be ressurected by the Matrix and Megatron is brought back to life by a small piece of the cube.”
Maybe because they didn’t have any bits of the Cube lying around by the time Optimus died? They were all stolen by the Decepticons, you bloody idiot.
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:23 pm
Anon,
What about the piece in SAM’S POCKET?
Bloody idiot.
August 4th, 2009 at 2:33 am
That tiny slither? That would have no chance of bringing back Optimus, a piece so small, it brought back Jetfire cause he wasn’t dead, just in a dorment state, it wouldn’t hold enough power to bring him back to life.
I think you people should actually think more about this film, your coming out with silly little points that, if you just used your imagination, you could figure out an answer yourself.
August 5th, 2009 at 6:25 am
I hate to say this but i have to agree with you.. to some extent. I really like transformers cause its not the kind of movie which comes out every year or every few months, but Michael Bay did screwed up some scenes especially the very low quality jokes and the so-called funny scenes.
The movie would have been far better if the transformers would have talked less, with a non-human voice and less emotional voice acting and being more serious and a cold attitude from both sides whether decepticons or autobots.
August 19th, 2009 at 1:37 pm
dude your a fucking idiot i cant see how people hate this movie your probably some transformer nerd sitting at home with nothing else better to do with his life except complain and jackoff thats all you will ever do nothing will satisfy you, Micheal bay makes amazing movies and transformers i say has got to be the best movie hes made, u need to find yourself a girl
August 19th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Best. Post. Ever.
October 9th, 2009 at 10:09 am
Considering this is over 50 points, ofc not all of them are going to be the real big issues.
Fuck I agree though. The so called “humour”, the mess of the action, the piss plot (nono, not simple-it’s piss). I could care less if this is a summer movie and a “action flick”, it’s no excuse for bad film making. Noone said this movie had to be oscar worthy, but summing up to at least some intelligence isn’t oscar worthy at all! Looking back at other action movies this is a direct insult to them.
October 12th, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Can somebody please explain to me how:
In the first move, the entire cube placed in Magatron’s chest kills hime.
In the second movie, a tiny sliver of that exact same cube that killed him brings him back to life.
This was the biggest WTF moment in the movie for me, but maybe somebody can make some sense out of it.